Well give or take a few lumpy bits this is my virtual model. I keyed in my weight and height. I think I am a bit lumpier round my middle than this model shows. and the tops of my arms are bigger. Anway. Also my 'rolls of fat' are more rolley (ie this model looks rounded whereas I look like I have several spare tyres rather than rounded if you see what I mean.

The reality is always worse!!!!

Maybe I should get doing ab-crunches EVERY day? I did buy some free weights but have never used them - time to get them out I think.

You see from a distance and depending on what I am wearing, I do not look so big. But close up, well you can see how out of shape I am.

Monday 11th June 2007

The exerise bike for R that we are waiting for.

Another hot sunny day, too hot to do much! J has his Maths calc exam this morning. I am hoping when he gets home he might come for a walk with me?

R has swimming today. She said on the bus to go swimming everyone has to sit by someone (so as not to be alone), but she said kids do not want to sit by her. She said last week she was put by a girl who then said to her "R, I do not want you to sit by me so can you go and sit on your own". I said to R she should have said no but R said that if she has said no the girl would have been really horrible to her (more than she normally is) and R said she thought it easier to move away and sit by herself.
R said no one EVER wants to be her partner in anything.
I realise (as does R) that things are NOT going to change in this class and unfortunately she has another 2 years of being with them. There is nothing I can do, nor the teachers (they have tried). R's teachers have mostly been very good at spotting when she is upset or bothered or feeling really lonely and help her (except for last years teacher who totally knocked ALL confidence out of R and unfortunately a lot of the other children too) and worringly I think they have her in year 5 too?
There are no clubs in the area, R did try Brownies but did not like it. There are sporty clubs but she does not want to join them, she is not a sporty child. Her behaviour swings from being very clingly to me to being very aggressive angry......I think it is all connected to her self confidence and not having any friends.
All I can pray is that this changes for the better when she goes to high school and help her how I can in the meantime

Well.......I'll try!!! DId not brave the scales this morning, will do it in the morning.

R's exercise bike is apparently coming on Friday (I hope). She is so looking forward to getting it. Both R and I went on the trampoline last night (all good exercise). She has lost a lb this week, though I try not to weigh her too often.

Tuesday 12th June

My new glasses

We have brown water, it's running a bit clearer this morning though. Apparently a main water pipe has burst, but according to the United Utilities site, it has now been fixed. We discovered the water was dark brown about 9.30pm last night (too late to fill any bottles and we had none in). They said on their site that there were water tanks at different roads in the area.
Got R to school and the headmistress came out and said the kids are not allowed to drink the water in school today nor are they allowed to wash their hands. So the school was getting wipes from Tesco and water bottles. It will be sandwiches for lunch only (no cooking).
Health and Sadety have said there is no need to shut the school (any schools), though there is one school in Heswall that is shut for the week as they had a flood (also related to the burst pipe).

I can't quite face getting on the scales. It all depends on how BIG I feel when I wake up and t his morning I felt well, big and flabby so I just could not face getting on them. Some mornings I feel a little deflated (ie thinner!) and then that's ok, generally I will brave the scales (often to no avail though!). I need to weigh myself in the morning so I can update the Reductil site. Maybe I'll wake up in the morning feeling slimmer, no matter how briefly.
AS the day goes on I feel fatter and fatter, maybe it's being bloated maybe it's just in my mind?

Weighing yourself first thing in the morning is usually best. Because of variations in food and fluid consumption, we often “gain” different amounts of weight throughout the day.

I would agree with this statement from a web site.

Well I shall get on the scales in the morning and hope for a loss.

Got my new glasses today, the frames are very dark (a dark red colour). I do have daily wear contact lenses but don't wear them that often.

Wed 13th June

Weight -
10 st 3 lbs

(143 lbs)
Stayed the same

My fave dress which is still in the attic

Stayed the same YET again. Ah well, will try harder at this never ending battle.

Going dancing tonight for an hour. R off school today feeling yucky, Neil off too, he has such a bad back, he woke up this morning barely able to walk. Work ok, J met me at 12.30pm, we were meant to walk home but didn't - just as well as it poured down.

Am tired of wearing black, it's all I ever seem to wear. I want to start wearing brighter colours, but I am so used to wearing darker colours that I feel I look awful in bright clothes. I feel I look too fat to wear the latest styles (and probably a bit too old too). When I lost my weight for once in many many years I actually liked shopping for clothes and felt okish trying them on - now I avoid it.

Enjoyed the dancing. Flippin heck it didn't half rain. Had to pop to Asda with Neil and it rained so much so heavey. Bought a pair of trousers size 14 and they fit ok. I wish I knew what suited me. I wish I could go on one of those programmes that give you the opportunity to try stuff on that they think suits you better than the stuff you wear. Mind you, I'd probably think I looked FAT in everything.

Sometimes I think 'Oh I am not that much bigger than when I lost my weight'...oh but I am. I have a big box of clothes in the attic, stuff that I got into easily, stuff that was loose on me and will any of it go near me now? NO.

I love dresses and especially in the summer, I would wear such pretty ones. But I can't wear them now, I just look horrid in them.

Friday 15th June

Went for a lovely meal out to Surfers last night with work. Now is time to get serious on diet again!
J has his last exam in school today and wants to go out for a meal tonight Hmmmmmmm, another meal out!!!! Not sure where to go yet, there are a few choices. He actually just wants to go to OK Diner (cheapish americanish diner on way to Wales). May go there straight after work, as also want to go dancing tonight (2 hours).
More rain rain rain today.

Work ok, knackiering though - felt really tired today. Went for a meal straight after work to Greasby, was ok, J wanted to go.
Did 2 hours dancing tonight, how I do not know - but am glad I did.

Sat 16th June

I feel skinnier this morning - you know, like it's a THIN day! It won't last!!!!

I did buy some trousers from Asda and they are a size 14 but Asda are very generous with their sizes. The best way to tell is trying something on that has previously been too tight...I am too scared to do this cos then I will know the truth!!!!

Another grey looks like rain day.

Am off to mums for a sleepover, just me, just for one night. R wants to go to her school fair, though I think it will be rained out.