Monday 8th January

Weight - 10 st 8 lbs (148 lbs)
Gain - 1.5 lbs
Lbs to lose - 28

Yep another weigh in day is here - but this is the dreaded 1st one after Christmas one. Am guessing I have gained about 4 lbs - PLEASE don't let it be any more than that!
Cold and damp out. I need comfort food! But luckily it is nearly lunchtime and I am not that hungry anyway (yet!) I do find that I am ok, I am not hungry but the minute I eat something I could go mad and BINGE, you know, not stop eating. This does not happen very often thank goodness. Maybe there is something to be said for eating little and often?

Yippeee all I gained over Christmas was 1 and a half pounds. PHEW. I enjoyed the Weight Watchers meeting and am feeling very motivated and geared up for a healthier slimmer new me.

Tomorrow I will - drink plenty of water, follow the diet and do some step aerobics in the morning at home. If I can just do these extra little things each day, that will be so good oh of course and try not to eat after 8pm of just fruit if I do have to eat....whatever.....the main thing is I have to make small good changes in the way I eat.

 Today I have felt FAT all day. My work trousers have been very uncomfortably tight, the button has been sticking in me. I go 2 size 16 shrugs from the catalog and they , ok they fit me but only just and worst still I think they make me look even fatter. (Pictures to follow shortly)

Am going line dancing tonight - I so need the exercise.

Saturday 13th January

 Why does all my weight go straight to my tummy? I wouldn't mind being 28 lbs overweight if it was evenly distributed, really I wouldn't. Am flapping over what I might wear for the work meal out next Thursday evening. I have tried various things on and feel I look far too fat in them (is there something wrong with my mirror? I don't think so).

No matter what I try on I feel I look awful in everything. I want to be slimmer again and I want it now, it's not fair.

It's horrible to feel so so unhappy about the way you look. I mean, part of me thinks when I look in the mirror - well, I don't look that HUGE but most of me thinks I do. It's horrible. No matter which way I twist and turn and what I put on all I see is this really big ROUND person. I promised Rhi I'd take her swimming today but I just could not face putting my swimming costume on, I just couldn't. Of course she cried cos I had promised and she wants to go so much.

You can't say to your 9 year old can you, that you don't want to take her swimming because you feel like you look like such a big fat cow (and poor Rhi is very self conscious about her weight and she was crying the other week saying she didn't want to be fat)

We should be going out and having fun and we don't cos I got in this horrible mood and took it out on her. Then I was shouting at Neil to take her out, that he should damn well do something with her for a change and what did he do? He took her to the supermarket and bought her a huge chocolate cake - birthday size one.

I just feel angry now, angry with myself and with Neil for being so stupid. How in heavens name can we help Rhi lose weight (and she is very overweight and getting picked on aat school) if all we do is feed her crap all the time and get NO exercise. I mean, look at us - I'm overweight, ok it's not a lot round about 28 lbs. Neil is very overweight (is 262 lbs at 5 ft 8 or 18 st 9 lbs).

I Am going to take Rhi swimming in the morning, I am. I should be taking her every week and I am going to start doing this.